1 Year Celibacy Update – 98 Days Remaining

I have chosen no better time than now to already have been in celibate monk mode for the past several months now, as the lifestyle has served as training for what life would become during lock down before it actually happened. However, I wouldn’t say my practice has completely insulated me from the social distancing side effects.

In fact, I feel more obligated to restart my social life to make up for the great blow dealt to the pyschosphere from this quarantine suppressing our humanity.

Yes, I do appreciate solitude, but I know for a fact that tensions and desires have been pressurizing as we eagerly wait for the return to normal human interactions, especially the romantic kind. I almost don’t want to miss that initial wave of thirst when the flood gates open.

But as a MGTOW in Monk Mode, the method of determining the next direction of my life isn’t that simple.

While the average person had their social life forcibly removed, and therefore feels like something is missing, I voluntarily replaced my social life with my work and personal achievements long ago. Getting back into dating and socializing after such a long time will actually result in a trade-off or loss, as less work, money, and progress will be made.

If I was still watching TV and playing video-games, it would be very easy to just say I am simply replacing some of my previous pastimes with dating. But lately, my main hobby has been to work on Moon Base MGTOW, and any spare time after that is left for exercise and self-study.

“If a man has already identified that he will not extend any long-term commitments to any woman, then there is truly nothing of lasting value that can be created through your relationships with women. Short-term dating thus becomes another form of cheap entertainment.”

Creativity Is Leisure: Why You Should Consume Only What You Intend To Create

That said, this hardcore focus is quite recent, and I have no idea how permanent this new found logic truly is. It was only a little over 30 days ago that my binge watching of Gurren Laggan caused me to have a nocturnal emission , and if you look at the picture below, I don’t think I need to explain why I was so interested in the show.

A failure to properly sublimate my dissatisfaction and desires led me to engaging in escapism.

After the Yoko incident, I chose more wholesome anime, but still consumed it for a slightly similar reason. Over the last month, I have binge watched around 300 episodes of Naruto, with the urgency stemming from wanting to get to the end of the series and the start of its sequel, Boruto, as the romance between the main character and a love interest is finally resolved with them marrying and having children.

I was not interested in watching the filler episodes this time, but the only ones I would have sat through were the ones with Naurto and Hinata, so I actually searched YouTube for a compilation of all their exchanges so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. One of the YouTube comments said “I wish Hinata was real.”, and I really resonated with that, I must admit.

But fast forward to today, I haven’t watched the show in over a week, and gaming feels like a chore. Every time a thought of being leisurely comes to mind, I counter it with a possibility that I could instead squeeze in more productivity.

The same sexual energy I had to keep pressing “Play Next” for Naruto is now what I use to power through my quota hours and push out more creative content across my websites. And it almost feels like I’m just getting started. I haven’t hit the wall yet, and I just might stay in Monk Mode.

But I can’t say that I can attribute all of my recent success to suppressing my sex drive, but in fact it is because of my sex drive that I am so successful.

“But maybe, at the back of my mind, I know things are only going this well because at the end of it all, I still desire the whole carrot... All my debts will be paid off and I’ll have my own space. I’ll have more money and free time to date.

So, if I start running any faster, or my goal seems to be getting closer, it’s only because I’ve gotten hornier, and hungrier.

INTO THE DEPTHS OF DESIRE – DRY FASTING + NO FAP HARD MODE/MONK

Indeed, I am trying my absolute best to crash into the wall of my productivity so that I finally do have an excuse to take a night off and go out dating every once in a while. But as I’ve said, it’s not that easy to do that as a MGTOW.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been influenced by hanging out too long in MGTOW circles that I want to appear to be super logical about my social situation, or that it truly is a genuine feeling of self-guilt that I’ll receive if I’m not making a giant dent in the universe everyday with the maximum amount of progress towards my goals.

But unfortunately it’s even more than that; My head has never been more clear these days and I’m the most focused I’ve ever been.

Even though I considered signing up for some dating apps recently to have something already set up when the lock down is over, the time I would spend browsing and chatting would be reminiscent of my previous wasteful habits infinitely scrolling through social media. I’m already so close to kicking my YouTube habit as well, as I have the ability to refresh the video feed on there too which results in small time sinks.

Essentially, the puzzle is, now that I’ve cultivated such a magnificent focus, should I continue building on it or can I safely divert my attention? Can more self-knowledge be attained right now through simply observing but not engaging with my desires, or is a social/dating life really a dimension worth exploring at this time?

I’m not sure yet, but I’m so thankful I still have 98 more days to figure it all out.

I’ll see you on the Far Side… – Monk Moon Base


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Only Dating For Status – MGTOW

My first girlfriend ruined dating for me.

I spent most of high school freshman year under the radar until I started getting recognition for my academic success, which attracted the attention of a pretty cute girl.

I actually had a massive crush on her friend instead, who was much smarter and more interesting, but I never had a girlfriend before, so I took the offer.

I remember the next day in class when a friend of mine metaphorically bared his neck out to me in apology for touching my new girlfriend inappropriately, as he hadn’t heard the news yet.

As the relationship went on, I had to block upperclassmen from staring at her, and even though she wasn’t that popular herself, other students were curious about me and I started meeting new people that way.

However, my choice to vacation in Florida for the summer ended the relationship, and I was back to being a Zero at the start of 10th grade.

But I would never forget what having a pretty girl on your arm did for how I was viewed in the world.

After my first relationship, any girl I would potentially add to my life was estimated against how my friends, family, and the general population would react to it.

I actually want dateless to Prom because I had found out that the Junior girl I was interested in taking wasn’t the good girl I thought she was. People kept trying to set me up with girls after that, even my Principal! But most were below me in status, so I just went with my Bros and danced with those girls later on anyway.

Mutual attraction with a girl didn’t really matter; dating her would be a reflection or extension of me out to the world, so she would have to meet some high standards.

It bothered me for a while that every romantic decision had to be vetted in this way. But now that I am MGTOW, and in Monk Mode for that matter, I’m beginning to realize I might not have been that interested in dating and relationships that much to begin with.

“Sex is all amygdala, not neocortex.”

Is what was told to me during my first time, losing my virginity.

But it seems I have always been wrestling with my biology. I actually put off losing my virginity for so long because I was always hoping I would have a good story to tell if I was ever asked about it.

Everything had to be perfect…

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My brother is married and one of our mutual best friends is going to be next. They double date all the time now, and now our old traditions we had when we were all bachelors have become couples-events.

In fact, I was last-minute invited to one of our favorite traditional dinners because there happened to be some extra space, which was unfair because I could have totally gotten a date if I was told ahead of time!

But I suppose they assumed I would go solo, and me being a fifth wheel wasn’t fun for any of us. Even though it’s something that we all used to look forward to every year, I won’t be attending the next one unless I have a date.

In fact, I now only seriously consider a girlfriend when I think about my brother and his friend, because I only want a hot girlfriend just to show them up for those types of events.


There’s plenty of restaurants I want to check out around the city, but that’s really not an exclusive event only reserved for a relationship. In fact, I’d probably much rather enjoy a bigger group of friends to enjoy this with.

I literally only fantasize about having a hot girlfriend for family events and so on, so everyone can see how cool I am because of her.

But outside of that, spending so much time with just one person, only because you are attracted to them, just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.

I’m not getting any social recognition or value by being cooped up under a blanket watching Netflix with my girl.

I would really only want a social girlfriend. I would only date a girl for her status.

But left completely to my own devices, I would just go my own way.

See you on the Far Side – Monk Moon Base


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