12 Rules of Monk Mode #6: It’s Not About Doing

This is the sixth of a 12-part series remixing Jordan Peterson’s book 12 Rules For Lifeone chapter a week to coincide with the 12 weeks remaining for my one year celibacy vow.


“My position was terrible. I knew that I could find nothing in the way of rational knowledge except a denial of life; and in faith I could find nothing except a denial of reason, and this was even more impossible than a denial of life. According to rational knowledge, it followed that life is evil, and people know it. They do not have to live, yet they have lived and they do live, just as I myself had lived, even though I had known for a long time that life is meaningless and evil.” – Leo Tolstoy

To some philosophers, the presence of any suffering seems to negate any possibility that life can be considered Good. This matter is exacerbated when we conceptualize reality as a product of a persona-having God, as we can reason that they too must not be all Good (or perhaps more leniently, all powerful), since they have created such an imperfect mess that is our world.

But life can not truly be both meaningless and evil. To declare it evil is to give it meaning that it should be good. However, we can satisfy the claim if we observe life as meaningless in the objective sense, and evil in the subjective. Therefore, if Good exists at all in this world, it could be more accurately observed as a reduction on the total spectrum of evil. For instance, self-defense could be viewed as evil, as it also harms the instigating party.

In this way, all life forms cause suffering to others in order to survive, whether through direct consumption or self-defense/sustenance. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, but a fly’s nature is harmful to you, as they carry disease and filth with them (they prefer to breed in poop), and even regurgitate their food along the way. The seemingly non-sentient plants the vegans exclude from their self-righteous preservation of life also can produce anti-nutrients that can kill feeding insects (and severely damage the digestion process of humans) in order to protect themselves and sustain their own life as well.

But returning to our original point, the end of your rational knowledge should not point you to a denial of life. Your death is already an inevitable event as soon as you become alive, so how is it rational to deny life even further?

“How can a person who is awake avoid outrage at the world?…After the experience of terrible atrocity, isn’t forgiveness just cowardice, or lack of willpower?”

pp. 151-152

If you recall the scene in Avengers: Infinity War when Thanos and Stark meet, Thanos tells Stark that he is “not the only one cursed with knowledge.” Knowledge is a curse in the same way that ignorance is bliss, because while knowledge is power, power can also equate to responsibility.

Extremely intelligent individuals like Tolstoy beared the responsibility of ridding the world of evil, but as it is stated in The Dark Knight, “you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

“People who experience evil may certainly desire to perpetuate it, to pay it forward. But it is also possible to learn good by experiencing evil.”

p. 153

The primary source of suffering for those taking a defeatist view on the evil nature of life is that they are allowing the perfect to be the enemy of the good: Because perfection can not be achieved, we should simply flip the table on the game of life, rather than play things out along the course we have been set on, and especially recognize the progress that we are making along the way.

Suffering could very well be the bottom layer of life, in the same way that the base layer of a civilization is violence: a nation, in it’s simplest form, is an occupied land mass that is defended by a military. Without that defense, any state will simply be annexed by a bigger nation.

One could view this harsh reality as proof that humans are inherently violent and evil, but it might not be the whole picture, as plenty of Good, or less violence, can be achieved when warring tribes and states eventually do settle into large nations. World War II ended 80 years ago, and the only reason why the Cold War is described as such is because if arms were taken up directly, the presence of nuclear bombs on both sides would have achieved a little something called Mutual Assured Destruction.

Maybe “War is Peace” (1984) after all, or at least the threat of it.

“She says she hopes that all her suffering is her own fault…if it’s her fault, she might be able to do something about it. If it’s God’s fault, however–if reality itself is flawed, hell-bent on ensuring her misery–then she is doomed. She couldn’t change the structure of reality itself. But maybe she could change her own life.”

p. 154

Reality is indeed flawed. For what other reason do you suspect we created the concept of Heaven? But in the same way that is not rational to deny Life when that feature is already built-in through Death, it’s not rational to add to our suffering, especially and doubly so when we ponder about Life’s inherent suffering.

In this respect, all the non-physical pain we experience is merely a result of our intelligence: emotional and mental dissatisfaction.

The Buddhists have already studied this matter, and they’ve come to the conclusion that the source of suffering is our attachments/cravings/desires, but also our aversions.

It’s Not About Doing

This episode is titled as such because the suffering that comes from philosophers like Tolstoy is sourced from this belief that they are somehow responsible for the suffering of the world. However, this is not entirely unique when we also observe the burnout people are experiencing from the new social phenomenon of “Hustle Culture”. While we’re at it, let’s also throw in all the religious people in the confessional box disturbed at the thought that they are sinners.

It’s not about doing because there’s always some impossible standard we’re trying to meet to make ourselves better. There’s always someone telling you what to do and how to think and feel, myself included. But we hardly ever get advice that we should just be. We are Human Beings after all, not Human Doings. Now, you may think I am advocating for everyone to just sit on their ass and do nothing, but not quite, because to be Human, or anything else that is alive, is to always naturally be doing something.

“Change is life. Stagnation is death. If you don’t change, you die. It’s that simple. It’s that scary.” ― Leonard Sweet

Unless you have received some special training, if you want to practice some prolonged meditation or other inactivity, you will eventually grow hungry, and if you suppress that hunger you will eventually die.

There’s always going to be something that we want, and therefore something to do. But when these desires and actions are not presented to us in the correct way, without a sufficient level of self-knowledge, these actions encounter an incredible amount of resistance, draining more of our natural energy rather than fulfilling us, even if we have identified that the end goal is a particularly pleasing one.

Every person is too complex to know themselves completely, and we all contain wisdom that we cannot comprehend. So, simply stop, when you apprehend, however dimly, that you should stop…

Your experience will improve, as you stop distorting it with inauthentic actions. You will then begin to discover new, more subtle things that you are doing wrong. Stop doing those, too. After some months and years of diligent effort, your life will become simpler and less complicated.

Your judgement will improve. You will untangle your past.You will become stronger and less bitter. You will move more confidently into the future. You will stop making your life unnecessarily difficult.”

p.158

Recently, I reconsidered my entire view on the practice of No-Fap. Firstly, I had already begun reducing my porn and masturbation frequency before I ever knew about the community, and was proud of my moderation back then too. I was in balance.

However, joining No-Fap is high-highs and low-lows. Just look at the thumbnail below.

Think about it. Somewhere, there’s a guy who just fapped and went on with his day, but these No-Fap gurus fap one time in six months (or longer) and have to hide it from their subscribers for several days, making this whole dramatic show of it that they’re crushed but will come back stronger, and ultimately calling it a “relapse”, as if they actually had a genuine addiction in the first place that was crippling like their life, and not their own natural sexual urges that were just misdirected towards the internet.

It’s a complete joke.

These men are unbalanced. Find the real source of pain, what’s really missing in your life, and stop this dick measuring charade.

So It’s not about doing anymore. I’m not going to do No Fap.

Yes, No Fap did help me learn plenty about myself, but while doing the practice everything felt like it was about sex, but it was truly about my emotions. I may have touched on this in my previous No Fap updates, but it feels more clear to me now because I have let go of the aversion that the No Fap community has against the acts of watching porn and masturbation.

PMO isn’t that enjoyable now only for the sole reason that it feels like me just throwing a tantrum, because I know it’s not what I really want in life: It’s me settling for low quality instant gratification to distract me from some greater dissatisfaction I have with my life. But this has little to do with sex, and more to do with emotional escape, which takes many other forms which No-Fap alone will not allow you to capture.

We may want to hustle, desire perfection, or to become more like God, but if we have not gotten to know ourselves and nurtured our authentic expression through Monk Mode, such high pursuits, especially for prestige, could end up hurting us.

Julien Blanc once said that self-improvement is actually a form of self-hatred, as it’s an explicit belief that you are currently not good enough.

So how excellent would it be to somehow find the perfect balance in life, in which we are content with where we are but also striving for improvement at the same time?

I believe we can do this by simply falling in line with our nature.

“Alexander Solzhenitsyn had every reason to question the structure of existence when he was imprisoned in a Soviet labor camp, in the middle of the terrible twentieth century. He had served as a soldier on the ill-prepared Russian front lines in the face of a Nazi invasion. He had been arrested, beaten, and thrown into prison by his own people. Then he was struck by cancer…

Then he asked himself the most difficult of questions: had he personally contributed to the catastrophe of his life? If so, how? He remembered his unquestioning support of the Communist Party in his early years. He reconsidered his whole life…

Then he wrote The Gulag Archipelago, a history of the Soviet prison camp system…One man’s decision to change his life, instead of cursing fate, shook the whole pathological system of communist tyranny to its core.

pp. 154-155

The most powerful tool you will ever have in this life is the simple act of observing yourself, because the most power you have in this reality is in regards to yourself.

When you take responsibility and ownership, and wrestle it away from the hands of God, and the Devil, or the government, the Leftists, the Illuminati, and the mysterious and ubiquitous “They”, you become the most powerful and free Being in the universe.

All the things that you rely on, even positively, control you. The things that make you angry and uncomfortable control you too, and these states will remain until you can realize that it is not your circumstances that cause your suffering but your perspective on the circumstances and your attachment to the drama you have created within it.

It’s not about doing because your focus makes it into a problem, and we are unhappy until problems become solved. But when we settle into the present, when we just be, we are satisfied by progress and growth, in all things, and not just the cold dead end of things.

Perfection, in a way, is almost stagnation. But humans, and our flawed reality, is blessed to always be in motion.

You can choose to be dissatisfied with yourself and your circumstances, but you are always moving, and always growing, in some direction. And that direction is your nature, and Life itself.

So be quiet, be still, and listen to that inner voice, and feel from within to where the wind blows.


Meditate on these matters.

And I will not see you on the Far Side, but next week Sunday at 12PM, every week for the rest of this series.

Thank you for reading. – Monk Moon Base

“Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

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12 Rules For Monk Mode #5: Play By The Rules

This is the fifth of a 12-part series remixing Jordan Peterson’s book 12 Rules For Lifeone chapter a week to coincide with the 12 weeks remaining for my one year celibacy vow.


We can argue all we like, but the fact is we have new rules in our society.

Why else did we go MGTOW? The legal rules in divorce and family court made it too risky to get married, and the new social rules of #MeToo make it too risky to date.

As we know, there is a section of us that are still in the Red Pill Rage, and frequent these circles that continuously churn out content related to the various ways we are degrading as a society, especially pertaining to the behavior of women. But returning to the scene of the crime isn’t going to help you heal.

“It is the things that occur every single day that truly make up our lives, and time spent the same way over and again adds up at an alarming rate…

No matter how good your intentions, or how sweet and tolerant your temperament, you will not maintain good relations with someone you fight with for a month and half of work weeks per year. Resentment will inevitably build.

Even if it doesn’t, all that wasted, unpleasant time could clearly be spent in more productive and useful and less stressful and more enjoyable activity.

p. 117, 118

We need to start seeing our lives more holistically, through the theme of compound interest. Every day is just a single brick to build the castle walls that will one day become the headquarters of your empire. Every day won’t be easy; some will feel like pennies, others like a dollar. But as long as you stay focused on building momentum, you will steadily see growth in positive directions.

The issue at hand, of course, is the lack of emotional support on dealing with the discontent within the “rage” phase. Men just don’t have the same emotional release ability that women do. As much as feminists want to believe it is due to toxic masculinity, the presence of testosterone makes it extremely difficult to physically expel those difficult emotions through therapeutic discussion and/or crying.

As men, we need to find a better outlet.

I’m not even willing to admit that I’ve gotten over the rage phase. I am simply choosing to ignore it by going Monk Mode. I know for certain that nothing positive will come about from my participation in the circles I mentioned earlier, but something of worth can be achieved if I instead seek within.

Today’s episode is about how we have actually gained much more than we have lost by going MGTOW Monk Mode.

“We assume that rules will irremediably inhibit what would otherwise be the boundless and intrinsic creativity of our children, even though the scientific literature clearly indicates, first, that creativity beyond the trivial is shockingly rare and, second, that strict limitations facilitate rather than inhibit creative achievement.”

p. 124

People view the lives of celibates, ascetics, and minimalists as ones with strict limitations, but what if those are the groups of people that are able to express and collect the most experience out of life?

Most people are slaves to their food and sex drives, and so fasting and abstinence are actually practices of freedom. Likewise, “the things you own end up owning you”, and so we put a limit on our possessions too through minimalism, so that we may move more freely.

“Discipline is freedom”, after all.

Not only am I on a one year celibacy vow, but I am also practicing No Fap, and so far I have gone six months without consuming any porn. However, the urge to relapse has been very strong lately.

But every day that I struggle with it, I continue to search deeper about where those feelings are coming from, and why? Is it loneliness, or lack of self expression? Equally I also ask myself why I should continue with these limitations, but then I look back on all the time spent on this experiment, and how putting a hard cap on my sexual exploration has allowed it to express itself in other ways.

Firstly, it was interesting to see myself seek out romance through watching anime, which I discussed in an earlier post: 1 Year Celibacy Update – 98 Days Remaining

A failure to properly sublimate my dissatisfaction and desires led me to engaging in escapism.

After the Yoko incident, I chose more wholesome anime, but still consumed it for a slightly similar reason. Over the last month, I have binge watched around 300 episodes of Naruto, with the urgency stemming from wanting to get to the end of the series and the start of its sequel, Boruto, as the romance between the main character and a love interest is finally resolved with them marrying and having children.

I was not interested in watching the filler episodes this time, but the only ones I would have sat through were the ones with Naurto and Hinata, so I actually searched YouTube for a compilation of all their exchanges so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. One of the YouTube comments said “I wish Hinata was real.”, and I really resonated with that, I must admit.

Yeah, I made it to Boruto now, by the way. I finally became proficient enough at my job to watch episodes alongside it, and was able to put in some 9+ hour work days to finish up Shippuden and get to the wedding. Last night, I actually dreamed that I went on two dates with Hinata.

But alas, this is just one observation.

I’ve been drafting a lot of creative content recently, not like these blog posts, but music, lyrics, novels, and even video game ideas.

What was most interesting as well was that my most recent idea for a novel had mature sexual themes in it, which is obviously a direct expression of my sexual emotions, but of course redirected in a more creative way, rather than all that energy being expended into the void through consuming porn and masturbating.

This experience has taught me that when we choose to go Monk Mode, we must take time to reflect on our progress and ascertain what we have gained through our experiments, as opposed to a mourning of our non-participation within the mainstream.

So many men are treating the difficulties in dating and marriage these days as such a tragedy, but what if it’s a blessing in disguise?

Play By The Rules

Each person’s private trouble cannot be solved by a social revolution, because revolutions are destabilizing and dangerous. We have learned to live together and organize our complex societies slowly and incrementally, over vast stretches of time, and we do not understand with sufficient exactitude why what we are doing works. Thus, altering our ways carelessly in the name of some ideological shibboleth is likely to produce far more trouble than good, given the suffering that even small revolutions generally produce.”

pp. 119

There’s a running fantasy within MGTOW for more men to become red-pilled and completely opt out of the system as a protest in order to restore society. Simps and spinsters get pies in their face, and declines in marriage rates and the closing of bridal shops receives applause. What was first an underground hideout for men seeking self-preservation has now, in some spaces, become a headquarters for a quiet social revolution.

What is ironic, though, is that the quote above is actually targeted at the more liberal groups pushing for far more social change through feminism and other diversity affairs. But I am opposed to both sides, however, as I stated in the previous episode, as I see conservatism (not politically, but culturally) decreasing, which I symbolized as ice melting, and instead of trying to freeze it back, we must see the future and know that water eventually evaporates, and then re-forms into ice much later.

A great practice in Stoicism is learning what is within our control, and foregoing all the things that aren’t is essentially the theme of Episode 3: Only Seek Your Power. However, this episode will differ slightly, as it is more about seeing worth (gratitude) in the very circumstances we struggle against.

Crisis and Opportunity

The Chinese characters for “crisis” are commonly interpreted in the West as a cross between “danger” and “opportunity.” This is particularly why I see futility in engorging ourselves in social change in modern times, as there’s always some other group that is benefiting (seeing “opportunity”) from whatever scenario you have labelled as “danger”.

For instance, the Pick-up Artists have benefited greatly from the sexual liberation of women through feminism, but more conservative men have obviously been bit by the bullet at the other end.

I don’t necessarily want men to become less conservative, but if your society has become so, I absolutely do not want them to swim against the tide, or yell at the sky. At this point, common advice to men who still desire the family life is to completely abandon America altogether, and marry abroad, (with strong emphasis on staying abroad as well).

“The evidence strongly suggests that human beings have become more peaceful, rather than less so, as time has progressed and societies became larger and more organized.

The !Kung bushmen of Africa…had a yearly murder rate of 40 per 100,00, which declined by more than 30% once they became subject to state authority. This is a very instructive example of complex social structures serving to reduce, not exacerbate, the violent tendencies of human beings.”

p. 121

Feminism can be said to be a consequence of peace and prosperity, and likewise, we could also be in the middle of the “good times create weak men/weak men create hard times” portion of the cycle. (If you’ve never heard of this, subsequently, hard times will create strong men, and strong men create good times.)

But we should step back and realize that we all benefit from this period of prosperity, even if it is degrading us culturally. The amount of wars in the world has been decreasing, and if I wasn’t so academically capable (and didn’t mind cutting my hair), I would have joined the military a long time ago to escape my circumstances. The military is more likely a safer career than a police officer these days.

When the world around us becomes too difficult, we should immediately stop seeking outward and only seek inward for our expression of power. But when we become strong enough to look externally again, we should cease in only seeing the danger, and instead always seek out the opportunities.

This also has nothing to do with optimism or positive thinking; it’s just about not allowing the perfect to be the enemy of the good. Of course, society can be improved. Everything can be improved, and to seek that is to be a living human, constantly in motion. But someone somewhere actually thinks things are good enough, or that this situation is even better. You may not be seeing the full picture, and you could use more objectivity as well.

So what is playing by the rules, exactly?

Simple. Stop trying to change society. Don’t change the rules of the game, externally. If you want to keep the rules you play by, simply change where you play.

“It’s also not for the best that all human corruption is uncritically laid at society’s feet. That conclusion merely displaces the problem, back in time. It explains nothing, and solves no problems. If society is corrupt, but not the individuals within it, then where did the corruption originate? How is it propagated? It’s a one-sided, deeply ideological theory.”

p. 118

I absolutely do not agree with America’s level of debt. But the citizens are in debt too, especially women, who hold the majority of the student loan debt in the country. Colttaine, near the end of his Matrix Behind The Matrix video believes that the bankers are never going to let that money walk, but there’s nothing stopping the majority of the voting base (women) from seeking out a way to socialize that debt, especially with the infinite printing press that is the Federal Reserve.

As someone with a 767 credit score, I think the country is absolutely rotten just for this respect only. But nonetheless, America is still the last institution expected to fall, and has only had it’s credit rating fall to an AA- since 2012, and at least before the Corona Virus fiasco.

Am I going to protest? Not at all. I’m going to continue to pay my taxes and be a good citizen (with my dollars at least, my cryptocurrency doesn’t exist), but I still definitely see “danger” here, as I don’t want to be around for when it’s finally time to tighten our belts, and so I’m simply going to quietly change MY game. I will ghost in plain sight, but secretly work on my exit strategy. I can find more fiscally responsible countries, or I can start to acquire more real assets, like land and self-sufficiency, and rely less on fiat currency.


The world is such a big place with endless opportunities, and so I am becoming deeply suspicious on why we hold such strong attachments to certain things, especially as MGTOW, that we feel we must lament it’s loss and fight to restore it.

Conservatism, by definition, is not creative. Once again, I do not have an issue with Conservatism itself, but only when one desires it when the rules have clearly changed. If you are Red Pill and you are like this, you are in the rage phase. If you are blue pill and you are like this, you will probably get divorced or #MeToo’d.

Now has it become clear?

Playing by the rules is just Stoicism and non-attachment. However, you can also benefit from the crisis if you play along and beat them at their own game. TFM has repeated that trans activists have done more for men’s rights than the actual Men’s Rights Movement, and TFM himself identifies as a “masculine presenting trans-gendered lesbian”, and encourages others to do so with a legal gender change, as there have been several success stories of men saving their jobs and even their financial aid for school by just changing that one letter on their ID card.

If we live in Clown World, and you’re not a clown, then the joke is on you.

Jordan Peterson explained quite well that despite how much children rebel against structure, it is actually good for them, as regulated meal and sleeping times prevents them from becoming irritable, and a lack of discipline from the parent leads the children to become frustrated and angry all the time, especially out in public.

So rules are good for us, but the best rules we can play by are the ones we apply to ourselves. After all, you don’t have to be MGTOW and red pilled. But you keep choosing the lifestyle for a reason, and it’s probably because you recognize, maybe not even consciously, that some rules, some limitations, actually allow you to grow.

For example, you may have realized, despite your tantrums, that cutting out women from your life has saved you time and money that allows you to now more seriously pursue your hobbies or career.

So, play by the strictest rules of all, and go Monk Mode, and see how far the roots and branches of the Tree of Life can truly grow.

Meditate on these matters.

And I will not see you on the Far Side, but next week Sunday at 12PM, every week for the rest of this series.

Thank you for reading. – Monk Moon Base

““No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” ― Carl Jung”

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1 Year Celibacy Update – 98 Days Remaining

I have chosen no better time than now to already have been in celibate monk mode for the past several months now, as the lifestyle has served as training for what life would become during lock down before it actually happened. However, I wouldn’t say my practice has completely insulated me from the social distancing side effects.

In fact, I feel more obligated to restart my social life to make up for the great blow dealt to the pyschosphere from this quarantine suppressing our humanity.

Yes, I do appreciate solitude, but I know for a fact that tensions and desires have been pressurizing as we eagerly wait for the return to normal human interactions, especially the romantic kind. I almost don’t want to miss that initial wave of thirst when the flood gates open.

But as a MGTOW in Monk Mode, the method of determining the next direction of my life isn’t that simple.

While the average person had their social life forcibly removed, and therefore feels like something is missing, I voluntarily replaced my social life with my work and personal achievements long ago. Getting back into dating and socializing after such a long time will actually result in a trade-off or loss, as less work, money, and progress will be made.

If I was still watching TV and playing video-games, it would be very easy to just say I am simply replacing some of my previous pastimes with dating. But lately, my main hobby has been to work on Moon Base MGTOW, and any spare time after that is left for exercise and self-study.

“If a man has already identified that he will not extend any long-term commitments to any woman, then there is truly nothing of lasting value that can be created through your relationships with women. Short-term dating thus becomes another form of cheap entertainment.”

Creativity Is Leisure: Why You Should Consume Only What You Intend To Create

That said, this hardcore focus is quite recent, and I have no idea how permanent this new found logic truly is. It was only a little over 30 days ago that my binge watching of Gurren Laggan caused me to have a nocturnal emission , and if you look at the picture below, I don’t think I need to explain why I was so interested in the show.

A failure to properly sublimate my dissatisfaction and desires led me to engaging in escapism.

After the Yoko incident, I chose more wholesome anime, but still consumed it for a slightly similar reason. Over the last month, I have binge watched around 300 episodes of Naruto, with the urgency stemming from wanting to get to the end of the series and the start of its sequel, Boruto, as the romance between the main character and a love interest is finally resolved with them marrying and having children.

I was not interested in watching the filler episodes this time, but the only ones I would have sat through were the ones with Naurto and Hinata, so I actually searched YouTube for a compilation of all their exchanges so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. One of the YouTube comments said “I wish Hinata was real.”, and I really resonated with that, I must admit.

But fast forward to today, I haven’t watched the show in over a week, and gaming feels like a chore. Every time a thought of being leisurely comes to mind, I counter it with a possibility that I could instead squeeze in more productivity.

The same sexual energy I had to keep pressing “Play Next” for Naruto is now what I use to power through my quota hours and push out more creative content across my websites. And it almost feels like I’m just getting started. I haven’t hit the wall yet, and I just might stay in Monk Mode.

But I can’t say that I can attribute all of my recent success to suppressing my sex drive, but in fact it is because of my sex drive that I am so successful.

“But maybe, at the back of my mind, I know things are only going this well because at the end of it all, I still desire the whole carrot... All my debts will be paid off and I’ll have my own space. I’ll have more money and free time to date.

So, if I start running any faster, or my goal seems to be getting closer, it’s only because I’ve gotten hornier, and hungrier.

INTO THE DEPTHS OF DESIRE – DRY FASTING + NO FAP HARD MODE/MONK

Indeed, I am trying my absolute best to crash into the wall of my productivity so that I finally do have an excuse to take a night off and go out dating every once in a while. But as I’ve said, it’s not that easy to do that as a MGTOW.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been influenced by hanging out too long in MGTOW circles that I want to appear to be super logical about my social situation, or that it truly is a genuine feeling of self-guilt that I’ll receive if I’m not making a giant dent in the universe everyday with the maximum amount of progress towards my goals.

But unfortunately it’s even more than that; My head has never been more clear these days and I’m the most focused I’ve ever been.

Even though I considered signing up for some dating apps recently to have something already set up when the lock down is over, the time I would spend browsing and chatting would be reminiscent of my previous wasteful habits infinitely scrolling through social media. I’m already so close to kicking my YouTube habit as well, as I have the ability to refresh the video feed on there too which results in small time sinks.

Essentially, the puzzle is, now that I’ve cultivated such a magnificent focus, should I continue building on it or can I safely divert my attention? Can more self-knowledge be attained right now through simply observing but not engaging with my desires, or is a social/dating life really a dimension worth exploring at this time?

I’m not sure yet, but I’m so thankful I still have 98 more days to figure it all out.

I’ll see you on the Far Side… – Monk Moon Base


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